If you were looking for a car to buy, would it be wise to open the newspaper to the auto section in the classified ads, close your eyes, put your finger down randomly on the page, and then purchase that car? Would it make it any better if you prayed and asked God to help you to point your finger to the right want ad? Or is the whole scene a bit ridiculous? God wants us to use wisdom, whether we're buying a car, selecting a place to live, choosing a college to attend, or looking for the right person to marry.

Some decisions in life can be settled by flipping a coin--like trying to decide whether to have peanut butter or bologna on your sandwich for lunch. But most other choices demand more brain power. A choice of a spouse, for instance, takes a lot of thought, a lot of prayer, and a lot of dependence on God for His leading. After all, it is a decision that will affect you (and your spouse) for the rest of your life. It's not something you can afford to take lightly.

What does the story of Isaac and Rebekah show us about how to use wisdom? Genesis 24 holds several bits of practical wisdom. When we combine it with the teaching of the whole Bible, we can get a good collection of practical tips.

At first reading, it may sound as if Abraham's servant did something like opening the classified ads and putting his finger to the page. But let's look a little closer for some sound principles that we can apply to our situations today.

Look in the appropriate place. To find a compatible, spiritual wife, Abraham sent Eliezer to the logical place--his hometown (Gen 24:3-4,10). Eliezer didn't go into a pagan Canaanite village to look for a wife for Isaac, just as it wouldn't make sense for us to go to a Buddhist shrine, an atheist's club, a Satanist church, or a singles bar to find a person who loves the Lord Jesus Christ.

Ask the Lord for help. Eliezer prayed about the marriage he was arranging (Gen. 24:12) and he saw the Lord lead. Nothing could have been more practical or wise. Proverbs tells over and over again that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge (1:7). The most logical move you can make is to put your searching heart into God's hands.

Don't base your decision on one "sign." Even though you may believe the sign is from the Lord, don't throw out wisdom.

One part of the story of Isaac and Rebekah is often misunderstood. When Eliezer asked the Lord for a sign (a young woman who would offer water to him and his camels), he didn't jump to the conclusion that Rebekah was the right one when she offered water. The text tells us that even after she passed the initial test, Eliezer quietly observed her and wondered if she truly was the one who was right for Isaac (v.21).

Eliezer had observed Rebekah's character as she humbly brought water for him and his camels. And when he talked with her, he learned that she was from the right family (vv.24-27). Then, as he talked with her father and her brother, Eliezer received added confirmation when they were quick to give their approval. And the final indication was Rebekah's own declaration that she was willing to go (v.58). The combination of all these factors helped to verify the choice.

Seek advice. Do you realize how much Isaac must have trusted Eliezer's judgment? I can't fathom the idea of letting someone else choose the person I would marry. I like to imagine that Isaac had a long talk with Eliezer before he left on his wife-hunt, telling his longtime friend and servant what he wanted in a wife. What we do know for sure is that Abraham trusted his servant's judgment, and Eliezer didn't make an arbitrary decision. Genesis 24 tells us that Eliezer carefully explained the purpose of his journey to Rebekah's father and submitted to his counsel (v.49). And Rebekah herself humbly followed the direction of her brother and father (vv.51,58-61).

Our thinking process is not always as objective as it should be. Emotions can blind us to serious character flaws in the person we are interested in marrying. The Proverbs remind us of the need to double-check our judgment with the counsel of people we can trust (12:15; 20:18).

What other practical items should we consider today? In addition to the four guidelines just mentioned, we should consider the following:

Study the family. How a person gets along with parents and brothers and sisters will tell you volumes about his character. A son who "mistreats his father and chases away his mother is a son who causes shame and brings reproach" (Prov. 19:26). A person who honors his father and mother (Eph. 6:2-3) enjoys the favor of the Lord. Such a person shows the kind of character that we should want in a mate. How do his or her parents relate to one another? You can be sure that their example has left a deep impression on your future mate.

And by the way, don't forget to study your own family life and your parents' marriage example. What you've observed may or may not be the type of marriage that God wants you to imitate.

Don't rush! Make sure you know yourself and the other person well enough to be certain that you are right for each other and ready for a lifetime relationship (Prov. 19:2; 29:20). Love at first sight is a myth. The only thing you can catch at first sight is a superficial attraction--or a cold. Love takes time to grow and develop.

The racial distinctions, therefore, were primarily spiritual distinctions. And the New Testament does not promote a separation of the races.

So, no biblical reason exists for prohibiting marriages across racial lines today. But a word of caution is needed. From a practical standpoint, you must consider the differences not merely of skin color but, more important, cultural backgrounds and even social acceptability. You and your marriage partner need to be able to relate to one another on many levels. Be sure that you can overcome whatever cultural barriers may be there, and be sure that you are ready and willing to endure any social stigma that you or your children may face. Prejudice against interracial marriages is an ugly reality we all have to come to grips with. So, caution and careful evaluation are needed.

What if my parents don't approve? Do you have to follow their wishes? If you want to keep peace in the family you do! But if you are old enough to make a mature and responsible decision, and you think that you are making the right choice, what then?

Whatever you do, don't neglect to show honor for your parents (Eph. 6:2-3) even when you disagree with them. Give them time to see your perspective. Talk it out with them. Find out exactly why they don't want you to marry so-and-so. It could be that they sense a serious character flaw or some other problem that you are not aware of. Give them the benefit of the doubt for a while. Don't overreact. Ask the Lord to help you and your parents to see the issues clearly. Affirm your love and respect for them.

Your pastor and others may be able to give you objective counsel about what to do. It could be that your parents are being unreasonable, but do all you can to preserve your relationship with them. Try to win their approval, but don't try to force it out of them. The person you want to marry should be able to understand and wait for a while.

Only as a last resort, after you have carefully and prayerfully examined your motives, your readiness for marriage, your compatibility, and your love, should you ever bypass your parents' wishes.

How much freedom do I have to choose? Is there only one person in the world who is right for you, or do you have several options that would please God? This is another issue that isn't so easy to answer because we get into the matter of God's sovereignty and our free will--and that's beyond human comprehension.

We can be sure, however, that God is in control and that He has given us freedom. That freedom includes the ability to make mistakes--both innocent ones and sinful ones. Instead of sitting around and fretting about whether or not we are selecting the one person in the world God planned for us to marry, we would be better off living in continual dependence on the Lord, trusting Him to bring us to the person who is right for us.

Thinking It Over. What can keep us from using our heads before getting married? What practical issues mentioned in this chapter are essential to a happy marriage? What makes you a practical choice for someone to want to marry you? What practical reasons would a person have for not wanting to marry you?

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